Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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