I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
