woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
