god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
