you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
