I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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