you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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