lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
