I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
