I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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