New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
