Cold hands, warm shart.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
