Non-Jews are for practice
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
