My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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