Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
