"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
