the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
