You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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