3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
