I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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