Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
