Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Damn victory sex feels great
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
