Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
