M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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