So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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