Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
