Are we in a gay sports bar?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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