fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
