last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
false alarm, still single
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
