I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
