i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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