he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
