I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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