I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
