Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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