I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
