from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
