When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
