If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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