Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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