end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
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