whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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