she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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