just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
