somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
