exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
