But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
