Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
