i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
