so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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