I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
