hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
