Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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