More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
