you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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