he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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