Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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