I think I died a long time ago.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
