i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Drunk is a universal language darling
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
