walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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