as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
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why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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