the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
