Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
well you can't waste a boner
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
