last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
