So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
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It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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