mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
