Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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