What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
