I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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