I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
