my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
