I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
